It has been a very long time since I wrote anything but I think it is time to start again. Yesterday I spoke at one of my best friend's memorial service, who died just one week ago. I wanted to include what I said:
This is going to be quite difficult for me to do but I need to do it as an honor to a true friend and for his wife Leilani. I must read this script to try to maintain my composure so I can finish it all. I would like to start and end with two Bible verses that sum up how I feel.
Proverbs 18:24
MSG - Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
TNIV - One who had unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
I first met David ten years ago at work but did not know him personally. Almost four years ago our paths crossed again. I used to run at lunch for a work break and on my way thru the cafeteria I would see David and Bryan Hendricks eating - most times with other people from their team. Occasionally I would stop by to talk to Bryan and as time went along I started sitting down with them both to talk and watch them eat while I tried to cool down. Bryan used to be my boss at the same company where I met David so we all had a history together which was the original connection. Over many months of talking over lunch I got to know David better. At first I felt sorry for him but I soon realized he did not need my sympathy. I found out that he too was a runner and that was our second connection. Over time I came to understand that he could do more with one arm than some people do with both. At lunch we talked about football, music, biking, running and just about everything but work. After a year of talking over occasional lunches the three of us became good friends who could talk about anything together except we avoided talking about cancer related subjects. I will always remember the day he got back to work after his last amputation as he was the same David after the whole ordeal and we continued laughing and have a great time during our lunch conversations. He never wanted to draw attention to himself and his own problems.
Around three years ago I was contemplating switching groups to work on something completely different and more interesting. David and I came up with a brilliant idea to work together and tried to find a group that needed us both. We did the same kind of work and both needed a new challenge and we knew together we could do anything. After switching, the first year was great as we daily bounced ideas off each other as we learned together. Several times a day we went into each other's office to share in our new discoveries. We constantly sent messages to each other about new things we learned. Up to this point after being around David for two years, I learned that building a friendship takes time and a willingness to share anything and everything that is going on in each other’s lives. In many ways David was like another son to me but in most ways just a friend who I always looked forward to talking to. I especially liked Monday mornings as that was the time we caught up on what had happened during the weekend to each other. Some people dread Mondays but for me it was time to catch up on what David had done and tell him what had happened around our house. Somewhere along the line we crossed over and started talking about sarcoma as I wanted to learn more about it since I was clearly very ignorant on that subject. Many of the terms were impossible for me to say or remember no matter how many times David told me about it. That is when our close friendship began.
These are the things I remember about David:
The day he received his special prosthetic arm so he could ride his bike again
The day he got back from Atlanta where he met tons of people who had also lost limbs as he was so excited to see so many people like him
The day he decided to take a cross country driving trip with a friend he met at Duke
The day I learned his brother was in the military like my son
The day he bought an iPhone
The day at lunch when he explained to me how icing in hockey works using the Hurricanes as an illustration
The day he got back after seeing Rush with his life long NY friends
The day he told me that my kids should listen to Rush as they did not do drugs and were not alcoholics like most bands did
The day he decided to quit wearing his prosthetic arm to work as it was very freeing for him
The day he got back and told me about his speech at his first Duke Sarcoma event
The many times he told me of the amazingly great people he had met because of sarcoma most of which were those who took loving care of him at Duke
The day when we talked about our separate trips to Stone Mountain and how we both thought it was such a great place
The day he told me that I needed to take my family to Letchworth State Park in NY as he had great memories of camping there as a kid
The day just one year ago when he told me he had to quit running because of his back
The day shortly after that when he had trouble leaving the cafeteria and I drove him in the TTA van
That same day when I got to drive his car as one of the privileged few but unfortunately I was driving him to Duke
That same day at Duke when in unbelievable pain telling me not to mind if he said something bad
The day when we walked together at my first Duke Sarcoma event
The day he got back from attending Bonnaroo and was so tired but told me every detail about the fun he had with his friends
The day we looked up the drug Fentanyl and read about it together
The day when we talked about the stages of jaundice together
The same day when I told him he looked yellow and he got upset at me
The day I talked to him after he and Leilani returned from Grove Park Inn as he loved the mountains
The day he told me he was ready to go to heaven as he was tired
Every minute of the last two visits when Bryan and I saw him at home
In the time I was around David I only heard him complain a couple of times, which is really unbelievable considering everything he and Leilani endured together. What started out as small talk in passing, developed into a relationship of sharing in life's ups and downs. I would do it all over again even knowing the ending. One of the last things I remember David telling me was that some people had told him that he was an inspiration to them and that he hoped that was somehow true. One of the most unusual experiences of my life was to see David at work for the last three weeks before he left. He came every day as to not let down the team and to try to finish what he was working on. He repeatedly apologized to me as I had to take over what he was working on and finish it. That was just a short four weeks ago. Today is sad for me as I realize I have lost a friend who I will not see again on this earth but I long for the day when I will see him completely well in heaven. I want to end with the words of Jesus, which in no way apply fully to me, but sums up what love is really about.
John 15:12-14
This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you.
The is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.
You are my friends when you do the things I command you.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, October 8, 2009
lessons in life
This has been an interesting few weeks as of late.
This week has not been the high point in my life. I have been learning Squash during lunch breaks the last month. This week, in my eagerness to learn from multiple people's different styles and suggestions, I played too long and somehow hurt my back. Not the best timing since I am due to leave for India in a couple of weeks. I did manage to get my 50 Year Adventure web site up and running while resting with a heating pad on my back. I decided to use Host Monster to host my book web site. I also moved my Attentive 2 Design web site there also, since I can host as many domains as I want for a flat $5.95/month. I was already using it for another private NGO web site that I help maintain. That is the good news that happened while having a pain in my back.
Today I finished reading King of Bollywood: Shah Rukh Khan and the Seductive World of Indian Cinema by Anupama Chopra. My wife and I saw it in the reduced section at Barnes & Nobles a couple of weeks ago. The first chapter alone is worth buying the book as it explains what Bollywood is all about. It tells a story about how a man in rural Georgia won the lottery when he got to go up on stage with SRK when he came to Atlanta. What a great story!
A couple of weeks ago I attended a high school reunion in Virginia. My wife and I stayed with my sister, who we seldom get to see. We had a great time talking with her at night and on Sunday morning after the reunion on Saturday afternoon. I attended my 20th high school reunion but this one was the 31st and was much better. I really wanted to talk to as many people as I could since I had just finished my memoirs and the memories were still clear. Most of the people I attended school with from kindergarten to high school were present so I had fun catching up with them. My wife wanted to know why it seemed like everyone of them had been my girlfriend at one point in time - I guess that is life in rural Virginia! I found it interesting that my close friends from high school had little in common with me now, but I had a deep bond with those I grew up with in Churchville. It seemed like I had grown wild, changed a lot and then came back to where they had never left. Most of them were so dependable that I would trust my life in their hands. How that is what I call a true friend.
One of my childhood friends who lived behind me told me about the man who he bought sheep from to raise on his farm. He had only one leg and I cannot remember how he lost it. He had a huge sheep farm which he worked on himself. He was also quite wealthy and traveled all over the world hunting wild game. He had two large single story houses just to hold the mounted game he had killed. He never let his disability get in his way. My childhood friend looked to his two boys and said "Remember that the only limits we have are those we place on ourselves". What a great profound statement stated so eloquently from such a simple person who I am glad to still call a friend. Some days I think I try too hard and think too much and I greatly admire such a person very much.
This week has not been the high point in my life. I have been learning Squash during lunch breaks the last month. This week, in my eagerness to learn from multiple people's different styles and suggestions, I played too long and somehow hurt my back. Not the best timing since I am due to leave for India in a couple of weeks. I did manage to get my 50 Year Adventure web site up and running while resting with a heating pad on my back. I decided to use Host Monster to host my book web site. I also moved my Attentive 2 Design web site there also, since I can host as many domains as I want for a flat $5.95/month. I was already using it for another private NGO web site that I help maintain. That is the good news that happened while having a pain in my back.
Today I finished reading King of Bollywood: Shah Rukh Khan and the Seductive World of Indian Cinema by Anupama Chopra. My wife and I saw it in the reduced section at Barnes & Nobles a couple of weeks ago. The first chapter alone is worth buying the book as it explains what Bollywood is all about. It tells a story about how a man in rural Georgia won the lottery when he got to go up on stage with SRK when he came to Atlanta. What a great story!
A couple of weeks ago I attended a high school reunion in Virginia. My wife and I stayed with my sister, who we seldom get to see. We had a great time talking with her at night and on Sunday morning after the reunion on Saturday afternoon. I attended my 20th high school reunion but this one was the 31st and was much better. I really wanted to talk to as many people as I could since I had just finished my memoirs and the memories were still clear. Most of the people I attended school with from kindergarten to high school were present so I had fun catching up with them. My wife wanted to know why it seemed like everyone of them had been my girlfriend at one point in time - I guess that is life in rural Virginia! I found it interesting that my close friends from high school had little in common with me now, but I had a deep bond with those I grew up with in Churchville. It seemed like I had grown wild, changed a lot and then came back to where they had never left. Most of them were so dependable that I would trust my life in their hands. How that is what I call a true friend.
One of my childhood friends who lived behind me told me about the man who he bought sheep from to raise on his farm. He had only one leg and I cannot remember how he lost it. He had a huge sheep farm which he worked on himself. He was also quite wealthy and traveled all over the world hunting wild game. He had two large single story houses just to hold the mounted game he had killed. He never let his disability get in his way. My childhood friend looked to his two boys and said "Remember that the only limits we have are those we place on ourselves". What a great profound statement stated so eloquently from such a simple person who I am glad to still call a friend. Some days I think I try too hard and think too much and I greatly admire such a person very much.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Aradhna in Raleigh NC
For the last several months I have been planning on Aradhna coming for a visit to the Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill triangle in NC. I ran an ad in the local Indian magazine called Saathee for the last three months. I ran the same ad in the local Indian movie theater called Galaxy Cinema. For the last couple of weeks before the event, the same as was run on Nazar TV, which shows Bollywood videos from 3-4pm each Sunday afternoon. Lastly, the NC State radio station has Indian music from 10-noon each Sunday morning on WKNC for a program called Geet Bazaar so they announced the Aradhna concert also. It took work and money to do this. So on Sunday night five days before the concert, I get a call from the president of the Hindu temple telling me I could not have the concert at the temple which was where all of the ads listed as the location of the event. So I have to make a mad rush to find another place in less than a week. It was very stressful to say the least. I felt like I wasted my time and money and energy. We finally decided to have the concert in the same location for both Friday and Saturday night on the NC State campus in the middle of the graduate housing buildings. I invited all of my Indian friends to the new location and was very disappointed when not a single friend of my showed up. On Saturday morning, the Aradhna tabla player told me the house would be packed for the second night and it was hard for me to believe it after the sparse crowd the first night. Sure enough the crowd kept picking up as time went along and before I knew it the whole room was full. That was a great feeling although quite different from my disappointment the night before. Because the crowd was excited, the band fed off the energy and the performance was special in many ways. On Sunday morning, I drove two of the band members to WKNC radio studios to meet Afroz Taz and John Caldwell as both of them had been in India and had not responded to my emails. I was beginning to panic that yet another planned event was going to backfire. We decided to drive to the studio and just show up. Thankfully, Afroz was there waiting for us. They had a short but great 10 minute session and sang parts of two songs. On Sunday afternoon we had several friends over to meet the band at our house. Our kids were so happy to attempt to play Chris' sitar and then play Rock Band with them. A sad start but a strong finish.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
diwali #2
Last night we attended our company wide Diwali festivities at the local Hindu temple. In past years it was held in the temple hall, but this year because of a scheduling conflict it was held in the main hall that could hold at least 1000 people. The sound system was absolutely amazing and the Indian music sounded wonderful. The event started at 6:30pm and we arrived early at 6:20pm. For all of the times I have been in India and knew better, still for some odd reason I forgot Indian Standard Time. When we got there, a good friend of mine who was the master of ceremonies for the evening was the only one there! At least I got to talk to him for a good 20 minutes as we are always too busy at work for a relaxing conversation like that. At 7:15pm there was but a hand full of people present, a couple of them I knew so there was plenty of time to talk. This event for me is all about talking to friends from work, some of which I never get the chance to talk to about non-work related things. Two of the people I talked to are in my own group and I seldom get any time to talk to them. That is sad, but I took advantage of the time last night and had a great time.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Diwali
Today was the local Diwali Festival. We have attended this celebration around many times previously. In the past few years our daughter accompanied us, but this year my wife and I went by ourselves as are not cool any more I suppose. At the Diwali last year, our oldest son went with us also as he had just moved into his own house down the road from where they have the festival. What a difference a year makes as that was the beginning of all kinds of trouble for us. This year he is nearly at the end of his Army boot camp and a totally different person from last year, which is a great thing.
For me, this year was the best Diwali ever as we met and talked to several Indian friends the five hours we were there. We went early so we could see the younger kids dance as they are he cutest things ever in their Indian saris. I talked to a co-worker who designed all of the backdrops for the stage and the main logo when we first arrived. I had been wanting to talk to him outside of work for some time. Of course I had to stop by and see the man who we rent all of our Indian videos from as he always recognizes me. It was not that hard in past Diwali ceremonies, but this year there seemed to be many more white faces in the crowd. Next I met the husband of a co-worker who I had met last year at a company Diwali party. As I was talking to him I spotted a next door neighbor of ours when we first moved to this area. I watched where he sat with his wife and without being too rude, quickly went over and started talking to him. We saw him a couple of years ago with his family at another local Indian event but had not seen him since. Right as we were leaving I saw another co-worker who I play cricket with and of course had to stop and talk to him for an extended period of time. For me this is a perfect way to spend an afternoon, talking with Indian friends and getting to know them better. Makes me want to go back to India!
For me, this year was the best Diwali ever as we met and talked to several Indian friends the five hours we were there. We went early so we could see the younger kids dance as they are he cutest things ever in their Indian saris. I talked to a co-worker who designed all of the backdrops for the stage and the main logo when we first arrived. I had been wanting to talk to him outside of work for some time. Of course I had to stop by and see the man who we rent all of our Indian videos from as he always recognizes me. It was not that hard in past Diwali ceremonies, but this year there seemed to be many more white faces in the crowd. Next I met the husband of a co-worker who I had met last year at a company Diwali party. As I was talking to him I spotted a next door neighbor of ours when we first moved to this area. I watched where he sat with his wife and without being too rude, quickly went over and started talking to him. We saw him a couple of years ago with his family at another local Indian event but had not seen him since. Right as we were leaving I saw another co-worker who I play cricket with and of course had to stop and talk to him for an extended period of time. For me this is a perfect way to spend an afternoon, talking with Indian friends and getting to know them better. Makes me want to go back to India!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
busy weekend
Friday when I got home from work, my wife started mowing the yard. This means that I have to finish since it takes too long for her to complete the whole yard. No problem as I think of mowing as walking exercise.
Most of the remaining weekend was spent cleaning the garage and fixing stuff around the house. My day started off removing the downstairs toilet as one of my next to oldest son's friend's dropped his cell phone into the toilet and flushed the toilet thinking the phone would remain in the bowl. All his friends had fun trying to get the phone out by using a clothes hanger and finally after a couple of hours gave up. I was neglecting it hoping it would fix itself, which never happened. I removed the toilet and went to Home Depot to get a new one. Once I got home and took it out of the box, I saw the toilet was cracked, so I returned to Home Depot. Not a good start to my Saturday morning I must say. I got the next better model for $99 and with a little effort had the new one working. While feeling handy, I started working on the downstairs bathroom as the ceiling looked pretty bad. This is a mini story in itself as last year one of the kids broke the upstairs toilet by accident and the water leaked downstairs through the ceiling. I did not complete the ceiling repairs as I should have, so I spackled the ceiling and then repainted it.
The next task was to help my youngest son as he is switching rooms. He decided to paint the walls VaTech orange and maroon colors with two walls maroon and the other two orange. The clothes dresser, which used to be in the room, covered up my handy work, where I ran a TV cable from the adjoining room and left a hole in the wall. I had to repair that hole with drywall and spackling and then repaint it. For once I left the painting to other members in the family. Just as I finished my handy man tasks, I had to quickly clean up and be preentable.
It was time to attend a very good friend's graduation ceremony at the Dean Smith Center at UNC (my affectionately known as the Dean Dome). I remember watching so many Tar Heel basketball games when I was a kid, but have only once been on the UNC campus. To actually be inside the Dean Dome was like holy ground for a UNC graduate. They had photos of every UNC basketball team since the late 1970's in the area where you walk inside the dome. Inside the dome itself there were tons of jersey's hanging from the rafters as well as conference titles and championships.
Today I took some rest and walked with my wife and then took off to play cricket with some Indian friends. Last season I practiced my batting skills, but this year I am practicing my bowling skills. I had fun today as I really bowled well. Once I got home I had to finish working on the downstairs bathroom and take some stuff to the local thrift store in order the finish the garage cleaning ceremony. After so much activity I had to take the Sunday afternoon ritual nap to round out an active weekend.
Most of the remaining weekend was spent cleaning the garage and fixing stuff around the house. My day started off removing the downstairs toilet as one of my next to oldest son's friend's dropped his cell phone into the toilet and flushed the toilet thinking the phone would remain in the bowl. All his friends had fun trying to get the phone out by using a clothes hanger and finally after a couple of hours gave up. I was neglecting it hoping it would fix itself, which never happened. I removed the toilet and went to Home Depot to get a new one. Once I got home and took it out of the box, I saw the toilet was cracked, so I returned to Home Depot. Not a good start to my Saturday morning I must say. I got the next better model for $99 and with a little effort had the new one working. While feeling handy, I started working on the downstairs bathroom as the ceiling looked pretty bad. This is a mini story in itself as last year one of the kids broke the upstairs toilet by accident and the water leaked downstairs through the ceiling. I did not complete the ceiling repairs as I should have, so I spackled the ceiling and then repainted it.
The next task was to help my youngest son as he is switching rooms. He decided to paint the walls VaTech orange and maroon colors with two walls maroon and the other two orange. The clothes dresser, which used to be in the room, covered up my handy work, where I ran a TV cable from the adjoining room and left a hole in the wall. I had to repair that hole with drywall and spackling and then repaint it. For once I left the painting to other members in the family. Just as I finished my handy man tasks, I had to quickly clean up and be preentable.
It was time to attend a very good friend's graduation ceremony at the Dean Smith Center at UNC (my affectionately known as the Dean Dome). I remember watching so many Tar Heel basketball games when I was a kid, but have only once been on the UNC campus. To actually be inside the Dean Dome was like holy ground for a UNC graduate. They had photos of every UNC basketball team since the late 1970's in the area where you walk inside the dome. Inside the dome itself there were tons of jersey's hanging from the rafters as well as conference titles and championships.
Today I took some rest and walked with my wife and then took off to play cricket with some Indian friends. Last season I practiced my batting skills, but this year I am practicing my bowling skills. I had fun today as I really bowled well. Once I got home I had to finish working on the downstairs bathroom and take some stuff to the local thrift store in order the finish the garage cleaning ceremony. After so much activity I had to take the Sunday afternoon ritual nap to round out an active weekend.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
death & taxes
The last couple of weeks have made this topic come to life for me.
We paid the highest amount of taxes this year that we have ever paid. I have never thought about avoiding taxes. It is just something I do every year. I try not to think about how they are used improperly by the government as that would only drive me crazy. I try to think how much I like the roads here and how wonderful are the public universities. I also like my freedom as that is priceless.
Having met my wife at VaTech and her grandfather was Dean of Argiculture for 30 years there, we have a lot of family history involved in VaTech. The senseless deaths of 33 people was truely a sad day for me. I have always thought about my time in Blacksburg as perfect and such a wonderful place to attend college. One crazy person has messed up my perfect view of that small town with an even bigger student population than permanent residents. One fellow worker told me his son pulled an all nighter and accidently slept in and missed his class. He was supposed to be in room 204 in Norris where 4 students were killed. What a perfect day to skip class and obviously GOD protected him. It just reminded me that mental health is so neglected in America and if you don't deal with the real issues, there will be consequences.
Today I learned that a good friend of mine died yesterday. It really made me sad as he suffered for the last year. Now he is gone, his young children and wife have to suffer, which makes me even more sad. Life can be hard sometimes. There are no simple answers to such suffering. Jim Cortese was a true friend in that he was willing to share his sadness and happiness with me. For two years we worked closely together and he is the best designer I have ever known. He transformed the product we worked on together into the most usable product at the company. What shocked me the most is that he was younger than I was. That is what really hit home for me. Younger and with surviving small children. Sometimes life just does not seem fair. Makes me want to enjoy every day with my kids!
We paid the highest amount of taxes this year that we have ever paid. I have never thought about avoiding taxes. It is just something I do every year. I try not to think about how they are used improperly by the government as that would only drive me crazy. I try to think how much I like the roads here and how wonderful are the public universities. I also like my freedom as that is priceless.
Having met my wife at VaTech and her grandfather was Dean of Argiculture for 30 years there, we have a lot of family history involved in VaTech. The senseless deaths of 33 people was truely a sad day for me. I have always thought about my time in Blacksburg as perfect and such a wonderful place to attend college. One crazy person has messed up my perfect view of that small town with an even bigger student population than permanent residents. One fellow worker told me his son pulled an all nighter and accidently slept in and missed his class. He was supposed to be in room 204 in Norris where 4 students were killed. What a perfect day to skip class and obviously GOD protected him. It just reminded me that mental health is so neglected in America and if you don't deal with the real issues, there will be consequences.
Today I learned that a good friend of mine died yesterday. It really made me sad as he suffered for the last year. Now he is gone, his young children and wife have to suffer, which makes me even more sad. Life can be hard sometimes. There are no simple answers to such suffering. Jim Cortese was a true friend in that he was willing to share his sadness and happiness with me. For two years we worked closely together and he is the best designer I have ever known. He transformed the product we worked on together into the most usable product at the company. What shocked me the most is that he was younger than I was. That is what really hit home for me. Younger and with surviving small children. Sometimes life just does not seem fair. Makes me want to enjoy every day with my kids!
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