25 years

I wish I could say that is how old I am, but it turns out that is how long my wife and I have been married. I think it must be unusual in the USA to have been married only once and to have lasted for 25 years. We have seen many good and bad times together and still like each other, which has to be even more odd!

We met under the most unusual circumstances. I was a volunteer with a Christian group in India and Bangladesh for two years. I was not too keen on returning to university, but the leader of the group I was with in Bangladesh suggested I finish my degree and then go to the Middle East since my degree was in Geophysics. The summer I was to return, I went to visit an elderly couple one more time who I frequented since they were the only people I knew personally with A/C. He was a medical doctor and had spent many years in South Korea and had recently moved to Bangladesh to start more clinics. He suggested I visit a man named Mr. Dietrick, who was well known at VaTech (see an earlier post), as he had worked with his son in the same hospital in Korea for many many years.

Upon arriving at VaTech that fall, I went back to my home church to see who was still there that I knew. It is common in a university based church to see tremendous turnover, and I fully expected to arrive as an unknown. On the first Wednesday I arrived at our weekly home meeting, I was greetly openly by people I never met before. It turns out that my monthly letters were read in that home so every one had gotten to know me that way. I asked if anyone knew where Mr. Dietrick lived and he lived just down the street and his grand daughter was there visiting in this very house that evening. She fully expected me to be some old man she had been hearing about in far away India, but was pleasantly surprised to find me to be her own age and quickly offered to take me to see her grandfather.

Things progressed quickly and even though another girl really liked me as well, I decided Sarah would be a great choice since she had lived her whole life overseas in South Korea. It was really a mutual feeling I came to find out. Each Saturday a group from the church, including Sarah and I, would go to the local nursing home to visit elderly people and just be friends with them. We started spending time together in many different settings. We even played tackle football and she still liked me after my aggression raised it's ugly head on the field as we were on opposite teams.

With Sarah's family still in South Korea and my family was split apart from a divorce when I was 14 years old, we really had no hope of a family get together for a wedding. My mother said she would not come if my father came, so after many days of contemplation, we decided to take the leap and elope. We thought Valentine's Day would be cute, but it was during the week, so we planned for Friday, 11th of February 1983. We had a big problem that day as it snowed 18 inches the night before. In desperation, I walked all the way to her house a few miles away and spent a couple of hours digging her car out. That certainly was an interesting way to start 25 years of marriage.

The next decision we had to make was where we would live. We decided we could just live in my room in our two bedroom apartment with my roommates. They had grown up with none brothers in their family so it should not be a big deal for them, or so we thought in our unclear thinking. They were so graceous for a several months and then "helped" us find another place nearby. I must say that first year certainly was interesting as we were two very hot headed people clashing frequently. I can truthfully say that it was all GOD's grace that we lasted 25 years together.

We have lived in different homes in places like Texas, North Carolina, and Saudi Arabia, the last of which is a story for another day. We have travelled to many different counties like England, Amsterdam, Turkey, Hong Kong, Singapore, and India. We have seen our kids go through many changes. One thing is constant, we are still together and learning what the word love really means. I am glad we got married.

don't get lonely

Yesterday in talking to a friend about his life outside of work, I learned that his father's recent death was more painful after his death, as he has had to deal with the crazy woman he was married to. This really reminded me of the story of my wife's grandfather, as there are many similarities. I remember the first time I met granddaddy's wife, who cannot be called grandmother as that name is way too regal for her. She was standing on the sidewalk outside their house next to a folding card table with maybe 25 items of garage sale junk on it. That was odd enough, but what made it really strange was the fact that a 75 year old wrinkly woman was there in a skimpy bikini. I began to wonder what kind of family I as getting involved with!

I used to help granddaddy by mowing his lawn and tending to his fairly large garden or anything else he needed me to do. When I became thirsty I had to go in the back screen door to the kitchen, find a clean glass and get a glass of water. The word "clean" should be emphasized as that was really hard to do. Every time I opened the cabinets I would see tons of cockroaches scurry off in all directions. I would hold the glass up to the outdoor window and normally it would be full of fingerprints. My lovely wife had mercy on me most days and would come by with a glass of water from our apartment for real refreshment. I also remember the visits we would try to have in the evenings after strict refusal to eat with them at their house for supper. We would sit in the living room and watch this women smoke at least 2 cigarettes at the same time and somethings 3 of them. The ashes would drop on the floor as she did her hoop rug, right next to the puddle feces. They had very dated white shag carpet, which had to have all kinds of nasty things we couldn't even see.


Granddaddy was the most pleasant elderly person I have ever met, and it was so hard for us to figure out why he would marry such a loony woman. My wife's father was the only child in the family and has told us many times how neat and super clean his mother kept the house. The explanation he gives is that his father became so lonely after loosing his wife of many years. With so many fine and upstanding eligible women in his church, his loneliness overwhelmed him and miss crazy woman just would not give up. Granddaddy was the dean of agriculture for 30 years at VaTech (many people know him indirectly as they named Dietrick dining hall after him and he was known affectionately as "Deet") and had accumulated some wealth so that was an appealing factor as well. She was a companion for many years, but I would not say a good one and looking back she definitely was the topic of many colorful stories. When granddaddy died, his wife was removed from the house and on cleaning up the house to sell, a large sized U-Haul truck had to be used to remove all of her garage-sale purchased clothes which filled the house, including the basement. Sometimes life is stranger than fiction. I am glad it is only past memories.

The moral of the story is don't be desperate and lonely as that is a bad combination.